


A Picture Paints A Thousand Words (Or One Particular Impression And A Lot Of Speculation)

by Moonbeam (luvsbitca)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint knew about them though, M/M, Newspapers, Now Phil's getting a clue, Phil has a secret past, Pictures, The Internet knows things before Phil, the media - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 16:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9332597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsbitca/pseuds/Moonbeam
Summary: Phil Coulson was not an Avenger – he was the guy in the background that no one was supposed to notice. Then there was a picture and it all changed.





	1. The Picture

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer – Don't own either universe or the characters – just Netflix, DVDs, and a highly suggestive brain.
> 
> I was reading Selenay's Damage Limitation series (if you haven't read it, do it now - everything by Selenay is amazing!) and there was a few bits about pictures and I just couldn't get this idea out of my head so instead of working on one of the many, many things I should be writing when I finally eck out some time I'm doing this instead. I hope you enjoy.  
> This is set in some alternate timeline where Phil did died but only for 8 actual seconds, because he was there S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't fall apart entirely, Cap saved Bucky earlier, Civil War didn't have to happen and they are all just running around being amazing and Avenging things. There is still a lot of wonderfully broody Bucky running around.

**A Picture Paints A Thousand Words (Or One Particular Impression And A Lot Of Speculation)**

by Moonbeam

**/// The Picture \\\\\**

Phil Coulson, S.H.I.E.L.D. liaison to the Avengers, the man who came back from the dead, and the most terrifying person currently standing in the middle of the park wanted nothing more than a time machine to go back before he had developed a crush on Captain America and decided that if a skinny kid from Brooklyn could save the world then so could a not-so-skinny kid from Maine. Then he might be somewhere else, not dealing with his childhood crush climbing out of a massive crater in the middle of Hyde Park completely naked. Steve blushed a surprisingly bright shade of pink and then ducked back down into the crater. Phil watched The Winter Soldier appear from somewhere, like he was also the invisible man, and take up a defensive position in front of Steve's hiding place. Phil knew it was too late; there would already be pictures of Steve Rogers' penis all over the internet.

Phil turned to the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents next to him and demanded they find a shop and get something for Captain America to wear. They scurried off – he liked it when he made them scurry. Then he pressed his finger to the earbud, not because he needed to but because it was the only way he could show how annoyed he was by the whole situation.

"Hawkeye, status?"

"Can't see any remaining bugs, Boss," Clint responded. "How's the old ticker now that you've seen Rogers' junk?"

"Thank you for volunteering for the next week of Avengers On Call."

"Coulson," Clint said pleadingly. "Not fair."

"And yet you volunteered, Barton. Get down here."

"Seventeen," Stark called out as he landed on the ground between Phil and the crater. "Twenty-nine…oh the BBC got a really good shot."

"Stark," Bucky ground out, turning to look at Ironman. "Shut up."

Stark held his hands up while the suit opened and he stepped out. "I'm just the messenger – can't shoot the messenger."

Bucky's eyes flicked over Stark and Phil knew he was thinking that he could actually shoot the messenger. That he might even enjoy it if Stark was the messenger in question. Phil did not need a picture of The Winter Soldier beating up Tony Stark to be vying for a headline with naked Steve Rogers. Not to mention that Steve would forget he was naked and climb out of the pit to help Bucky because neither of the two could walk away from a fight the other was having. And that was not a photo that ever needed to exist. Phil made it to the two of them before either man could say something else and stepped between them.

"Stark," Phil said, turning a bland expression on the other man. "Perhaps you could get JARVIS to contact Fury – he will need to contact the Queen to apologise for the damage made to her land."

Stark nodded.

"And then you can go home, Pepper said something about a board meeting."

Stark groaned but stepped back into the Ironman suit and flew away.

"He would deserve it," Bucky muttered.

"Yes," Phil agreed. "But Steve would have helped."

Bucky glared harder, half hidden by the mask and hair but noticeable nonetheless. He gripped his gun a little tighter and looked around him with an air of paranoia.

"Can someone get me some clothes?" Steve called out to them.

"I've got agents getting you clothes currently, Captain Rogers," Phil told him.

"Please call me Steve," Steve called up. "And thank you."

"Not during a mission, Captain Rogers, and you're welcome. They should be back soon."

"There will be photos, won't there?" Steve asked.

Bucky growled and Phil looked at the sky.

"Yes, there will, Captain Rogers," Phil admitted – he had always thought it better to be honest when in the field. Secrets were a necessary part of the job but never a benefit to any mission.

"There are certain things about this century that I do not enjoy."

Bucky's lips twitched. "But at least there wasn't any swooning."

Phil turned around as Clint jogged towards him laughing and Phil needed to keep him away from Bucky when there was any discussion of swooning. "Take the other side of the crater."

Clint nodded and redirected his jog. "Yes, Sir."

"Dr Banner," Phil said, wishing he could press an unneeded finger to his ear again.

"Here."

"The problem has been neutralised, you can stand down."

"Thanks," Banner said.

"I'm sending Natasha to you for extraction. Debrief in eighteen hours."

"Noted, Coulson," Natasha said and Phil turned back around to focus on the three Avengers left.

They got Steve clothes, the Stark Foundation started working on clean up, and they headed back to New York for the debrief.

The first sign that something was different was the fact that Nick Fury was sitting at the table in the S.H.I.E.L.D. conference room – not at the head of the table, he never sat at the head of the table. Coulson had a feeling sleep would be even further away than previously thought.

"Director," Steve said, immediately stepping forward and stopping to stand at attention in front of the rest of the team. "I apologise for-"

Fury held up a hand. "You saved London, Rogers."

"I also cast a shadow over our good work with my indecency."

"It's the 21st Century, Cap," Stark said, striding in and sitting at the head of the table. "No one cares about your junk…well, actually a lot of people care about your junk but there is no scandal attached. If you had been snapped sl-"

"Stark," Coulson said, voice snapping Stark's attention to him.

"Agent?"

"Stop."

Stark opened his mouth to keep going and Phil let his expression slip just a little, just a touch, just for a second, and then Stark leaned back in his chair.

"If you aren't here to reprimand me, Director," Steve said, his stance not calming in the slightest. "What's wrong?"

Fury smirked, Phil's sense of dread kicked up to eleven, and threw a paper across the table. Steve reached out for it, the muscles across his back so tight that Phil wondered if the t-shirt would survive but then they relaxed and he turned to look at Phil.

"Captain?" Phil asked.

Steve silently handed the paper to Phil. He looked down at the front page to find himself there, one large photo of his face and a smaller photoset of him standing between Stark and Bucky, ordering Clint to do something, and then him leading the whole team, and a few S.H.I.E.L.D. agents away from the clean-up and towards the quinjet. It was the headline that was really worrying though – **Is This Man In Charge Of The Avengers?** Phil was supposed to be the silent liaison between S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers. He needed to be invisible and now he'd been exposed.

"How far has this gone?" Phil asked.

"What?" Natasha asked, sliding next to him, plucking the paper out of his hand and then sitting down in a chair. Clint slid in next to her and they both stared at the newspaper. Phil could see the smirks on their faces.

"It has gone viral," Maria offered as she walked in, a group of S.H.I.E.L.D. hospitality staff behind her carrying food and drinks. Phil knew that medical were very firm about the energy replacement needs of the Avengers but it always looked like a strange party while they debriefed the most recent mission. Maria didn't continue until the rest of the S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel had left and it was just the Avengers and the three of them. "That is the set of images being used by the major news outlets, or some variation, but social media has been trawling through everything and there are whole tumblrs and twitter feeds dedicated to images of Coulson from the background of photos and videos since the beginning of the Avengers."

"How long until someone finds something from before the Avengers?" Phil asked.

"That is classified," Fury said, glaring at Phil.

"Yes, and given how tenacious people on tumblr can be I suggest we worry about it now and now after they find something from before."

"Before what?" Stark asked. "You were a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent before you were our liaison."

"Before that," Fury said and Phil went cold – that had not been what he was talking about – he had only meant the missions he'd run as a normal S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. It wasn't like Nick to make that mistake.

Phil looked around the room and then looked at Fury again. "It truly is classified; there is no one in this room, apart from Fury, with clearance to know anything about it."

Maria looked at him sharply but even she didn't have the clearance for his past.

"Would there have been photos?" Fury asked him seriously.

Phil shrugged. "Given what we've been able to find on the Winter Soldier from conspiracy theorists there is every chance that something exists."

"JARVIS," Tony said, clicking on his phone. "Monitor every photo that shows up with Agent Coulson in it, if anything appears prior to…"

"1994," Coulson supplied, that was easily accessible from his S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel file – if anyone but Maria and Nick had clearance to see his H.R. file.

"Scanning," JARVIS's voice came out of the phone. "Should I advise Agent with any photos found matching this description?"

"Yes, please," Phil said, not letting Stark answer. He'd given up trying to get the AI to stop calling him Agent but this was something he needed to be informed about.

"Affirmative."

"The question we really need to answer," Maria said, turning back to business. "Is what we will call Phil?"

"An Avenger," Steve answered, no pause and no question in his voice.

Phil could be honest with himself how much that meant, even if it wasn't true. "No."

"Too late," Natasha said, throwing the newspaper onto the table and reaching out for one of the plates of rice and eggplant. She pushed the one with beef over to Clint who was watching Phil just a little too closely. Clint didn't reach out for the food – something that made the hair on the back of Phil's neck stand up. Nothing kept Clint from food – a left over relic of days of hunger as a child and days of not enough from the circus that Phil would never mention.

Phil started to explain carefully. "I do not have a suit," Bucky laughed. "Not a suit like the rest of you and I'm not out there fighting."

"You're still part of the team," Bruce offered. "And I have the feeling that if you were fighting some of our fights would be over very quickly."

Phil shook his head. "Call me exactly what I am; a liaison to the Avengers."

"Too late," Stark said, holding up his phone.

"What did you do?" Maria asked him.

Stark smirked. "From the official twitter feed of Ironman – **When CapAmerica was asked who the Agent of the front page of the New York Times was…Agent is an #Avenger** and I've included a photo of Agent and Cap from that thing with the purple Doombots."

"Stark," Fury said. "Take it down. We haven't agreed on an official stance."

"Maybe you haven't," Tony offered. "But Cap is our leader and he's made his decision and it's now been retweeted a hundred and twelve times."

"It makes sense," Natasha said. "He's an Avenger but we paint him as the man watching over us – keeping an eye on all of us and making sure that we can see the whole picture and Steve can make the right call."

"He is an Avenger," Bruce threw in. "We couldn't have done what we've done without him."

Phil felt his ears heating but he ignored it, knowing it would go away. "I'm not supposed to be visible – I should just step back from the Avengers, another handler can be put on the job until things calm down and they realise I'm just a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent like all of the others."

"You're not like the others and people are too smart not to work that out," Bruce argued.

Phil liked the sentiment but it would irrevocably change things and that wasn't his decision. He looked at Fury but the other man was looking back at him. And Phil realised that much like the decision in '93 this was his choice as well. He looked around the table – and weighed his two options; he could walk away from the Avengers completely or he could become an official Avenger. He knew the smart choice but he could feel Clint's eye boring into him and he had a history of making the other decision when the smart choice was presented.

"I'll have to move into the Tower," Phil said.

"There is already a floor for you," Tony offered. "With the biggest office you have ever seen – even Pepper is jealous of the office. You can write reports to your heart's content in there."

"I have an office here," Phil argued. "And nothing will actually change apart from me being there."

"And the media," Maria reminded him.

"I will still be doing things exactly as they are currently being done," Phil said. "I'm in the quinjet and watching the missions but if they spot me then I'm already explained and it doesn't risk the identity of any other high-level agents."

"Food," Maria reminded them. "Medical insists that you replenish the calories burned during the mission."

Everyone reached out for a plate and Natasha pushed her empty one away.

Phil opened the folder in front of him. "From the beginning…the call came through from New Scotland Yard…"

They finished their debrief and Phil closed his folder.

"I'll have the Avengers report to you," Steve said, standing up. Bucky immediately mirrored him, like normal when they were in S.H.I.E.L.D. Phil always wondered if he was hoping to just slide out of people's view and hide in Steve's shadow. But if that was how Bucky felt safe then Phil wasn't going to say anything.

"Thank you, Captain."

The Avengers stood and started moving out of the room, Natasha and Clint staying right where they were. Fury and Maria didn't move either so Phil settled back into his chair. Banner closed the door behind him and then Maria turned to look at Phil. He smiled at her blandly.

"None of my business," she said, looking at him closely. "But…the question is – did Hydra know?"

"That's a question for Nick," Phil said, turning to look at Fury. "It was never part of any documentation. I was actually an Army Ranger."

"Just not for as long as your records show you were."

Phil smiled. "That is classified. I hadn't given any thought to the possibility of it coming out now until Nick did – I was thinking of the S.H.I.E.L.D. missions that might have been less than legal, internationally speaking."

Fury stared at him and Phil wondered just why the other man had even connected those dots.

Maria nodded, yanking Phil's attention back to her. "If even I'm not cleared then Barton and Romanoff shouldn't have heard this much."

Phil was going to say something but Clint stood up and nodded. "Completely right, ma'am, we shouldn't be here." He started towards the door, not looking at Phil decidedly now. Natasha looked at him and then followed Clint from the office.

"We're done here," Phil said, standing up.

"I never told Pierce anything so HYRDA should be as ignorant as the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Good," Phil turned and walked out of the conference room but he couldn't see Clint or Natasha anywhere and he knew if he couldn't find them now he wouldn't find them at all. He didn't swear, just patted his tie to make sure it was straight and walked to the elevators so he could go upstairs and complete his own mission report.

**TBC**


	2. A Thousand Words

**/// A Thousand Words \\\\\**

Phil moved into the Avengers Tower – still officially Stark Tower, but no one called it that. He did have an entire floor to himself and he did have a very fine office and no matter how tempting it might be sometimes to work there he kept going into S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters every day that they weren't Avenging but now he'd passed half his workload off to a Level 7 Handler and took on the Avengers exclusively.

He hadn't seen Clint since that day in the conference room, three weeks before. Natasha had come to him with her annoyance but Phil wasn't stupid enough to have asked about Clint.

Six weeks after the day in London, when his past was hinted at and Phil's life became all about the Avengers they were called to Perth. It was a very long flight with Clint flying and completely ignoring Phil…until halfway through the trip when Phil decided that he had had enough. He walked to the cockpit and tapped Natasha out of her seat. She looked up at him and smirked as she slipped out of her chair and around him. He could feel the eyes of the rest of the team boring into the space between his shoulder blades but he couldn't go into this mission without Clint at least willing to talk to him.

"Clint."

"Agent Coulson."

Phil knew it was supposed to be a 'slap in the face' but he hadn't expected it to actually feel like one. "We are about to go on a mission, Clint, we need to sort this out."

"No problem, you're our handler and I am capable of being professional."

Phil grit his teeth and nodded. "I know you are, Agent Barton." He turned his back and walked to sit next to Captain Rogers.

"I was hoping to only see Australia for fun," Steve offered him, one hand gentle and comforting on his shoulder.

"He had an obsession with platypi when we were little."

"They are baffling," Steve said. "Like someone actually made the type of animal you come up with in art class as a drawing activity."

Phil nodded. "Kids do that sort of thing in school nowadays."

"There are some benefits to this century," Bucky offered.

"A group of scientists at the University of Western Australia found a way to enlarge animals." Phil explained, voice loud enough to be heard by Clint.

"Do you think they enlarged any platypuses?" Bucky asked.

"I don't think there are any giant platypodes," Phil offered.

"This isn't really about platypus," Steve cut in, grinning like the smartarse that Phil could now see that he was – Bucky had certainly changed the parts of Steve he allowed others to see.

"What are these beasts of which you speak?" Thor asked.

"You've never seen a platypus?" Bruce asked.

"Negative," Thor said. "I did not come across this beast when I was on Midgard while the Vikings walked the earth."

Bruce pulled out his phone and then pulled up a video of a platypus. "This is a platypus."

Thor took the phone and watched the video. He laughed loudly. "I enjoy this beast – we shall see one when we have stopped the scientists."

"They are very hard to see in the wild," Steve told him. "There might be one at the zoo."

"I do not believe that a giant platypus would pose a significant threat to people," Thor commented.

"They aren't giant platypuses," Phil said. "The scientists started with small arachnids."

"Spiders," Bruce said, shivering.

"Yes."

Natasha stalked over to Phil. "Australia has some of the most venomous spiders in the world."

"Yes," Phil agreed.

"And they picked the poisonous spiders?" Bruce asked.

"Not intentionally, however very large spiders equals very large venom glands and they seem to be impervious to gunshots but they did make them angry. The WA police are cordoning off the area and the SAS has been asked to assist but the S.H.I.E.L.D. satellite office called it in."

"Because spiders," Bruce said, voice desperately fighting for calm.

"Is this going to be a problem for the other guy?" Phil asked.

Bruce shook his head. "He doesn't mind spiders."

But, as it turned out, the other guy just hadn't met spiders of that size. As soon as they were out and fighting the spiders – which were susceptible to lightning thankfully, and Bruce saw the spiders the Hulk took over and took great glee in smashing every oversized arachnid into the ground. The rest of the team ended up standing back and watching. The problem that arose, was that the Hulk wasn't happy to have just killed all of the spiders because he obviously thought they might get up and come back because he just kept smashing their squashed carcasses.

Phil looked at the Avengers but they all just looked back at him.

"Are we sure we've got them all?" Bucky asked.

"Yes, there were ten test spiders and Thor killed two, the Hulk killed the rest."

"I figure we go to the beach," Natasha offered. "I have heard good things about Australian beaches. I think the Hulk would like a swim at the beach."

"We can't leave him as the Hulk," Steve said.

"He's not hurting anyone," Bucky pointed out.

"Except the road," Phil said drily and then sighed, walking away from the quinjet and the Avengers and towards the Hulk. "Hulk, they are dead now. No more spiders."

"Hulk smash spiders."

"Yes," Phil agreed. "Spiders dead. Hulk relax now."

"Hulk smash spiders!" the Hulk yelled at him.

"No more spiders," Phil tried again.

"Phil?" A voice called from the other side of the intersection. Phil looked up and recognised Captain Logan…though he'd never been good at the Australian insignia so the other man was probably promoted out of that rank by now. It had been…fifteen years since he'd seen the other man. Phil held up a hand but didn't say anything as he focussed back on the Hulk who had at least stopped digging his foot into spider innards.

"Hulk sleep?" Phil prodded.

"Hulk smash spiders."

"Hulk sleep," Phil instructed.

The Hulk seemed to sulk down a little but he started to move towards the rest of the Avengers. Phil trailed behind him. The Hulk walked into the quinjet and Phil realised that half the team were holding swimming costumes.

"How?" he asked.

"Australia," Tony said with a shrug. "When visiting Australia bathers are always needed…except when they're not."

"Always needed," Bucky threw in. "Though no one told Steve and I about this rule."

"Fine," Phil said. "Go, I'll catch up with you."

Steve looked at him sceptically. "We don't want to leave you."

"I didn't know about the rule either so no swimming for me. I'll make sure everything is handled by the satellite office and then I'll join you."

Steve still didn't seem convinced so Bucky stepped in close. "I'll take them to the beach and then come back for you."

"Okay," Steve agreed, walking over to stand next to Phil. "See you all soon."

Phil didn't need the help and he wasn't looking forward to the questions that might come up when he stopped to speak to James Logan but he could understand the need to stay and see things through to the end – especially for the leader of the team. So, he waved the rest of the Avengers off and turned to do his job. Steve did have questions, but he had the tact not to ask them and Bucky returned – with board shorts he'd purchased at the beach because, of course, there were surf shops at the beach.

Now, Phil had exactly no reason not to go for a swim himself. And he sighed as he trailed the rest of the Avengers into the water.

Phil wasn't a vain man, he had too many scars to be a vain man, but the sight of the Avengers enjoying themselves at the beach could have made him a self-conscious man. He could only hope that the photos of the Hulk delightfully squashing giant spiders would be more interesting.

He was wrong – both photos were on the front page of the newspapers. The headline for the Hulk's photo was, rightly, focussed on just why a group of university students had been able to get away with making giant, killer spiders. The photo of the Avengers was captioned by more than one outlet with simply _'The Avengers enjoying downtime at the beach after slaying giant spiders'_ and Phil could admit that it was nice that he was in the photo and they were just **The Avengers**.

**TBC  
**


	3. An Impression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to keep up the posting a chapter a day but this got big and I had to work a couple of nights at work. I just watched CACW and I couldn't resist some Stucky. My favourite thing in this ship is that these two have never shared a screen - I love the power of our headcanons.

**///** **An Impression \\\\\**

Phil had no other choice. As soon as he became someone that was being noticed he had to go online and trawl through the information they had gathered. He had a secret to hide and he needed to know how close people might be getting. He had had no idea that he had shown up in quite so many photos. Luckily for him, JARVIS was able to filter through it all so all he had to view were the photos themselves – not whatever captions had been put on them.

"There is nothing from earlier than 2008," JARVIS informed him.

"I can see that, which is the most prolific feed…or the one with the biggest percentage of the photos."

"That would be TheAgentAvenging, Agent," JARVIS told him and then pulled up the tumblr blog on the large screen.

"The Agent Avenging?"

"Yes."

"Right, can you put that on my tablet instead?"

"Of course," JARVIS said and suddenly his tablet was not only downloading a new app but he suspected he'd just signed up to it. "It will be ready for you in five minutes, Agent."

"Thank you, JARVIS."

Phil decided to take that time to have a shower, and when he was clean he realised he was starving. He hadn't had time to go shopping and he knew that there was a central kitchen that JARVIS kept stocked. But, if he went downstairs there might be questions. So, instead, he resigned himself to mission food and found the cereal and milk he'd brought from his apartment and carried it through to the table.

At first the photos didn't seem that interesting – a lot of Phil in the background of photos. Surrounded by S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents most of the time. Occasional photos of him with Natasha and Clint. Phil felt the twinge of something looking at Natasha and Clint. They had both given him their secrets – he knew those weren't all of their secrets but he knew things about them that they had freely told him and he could understand the betrayal in knowing that he was hiding something big. He looked through the whole blog but there was nothing of note so he put his tablet aside and went to sleep.

He checked every day and JARVIS sent an email of new photos whenever they appeared. And Clint didn't speak to him.

Then Australia happened and everything changed. The newspapers and media outlets were focussed on the Avengers enjoying downtime – something they normally kept behind closed doors. But his dutiful tumblr blog had other things to say and Phil was uncomfortable with just how many shirtless photos there now were of him on the internet. He really wished Bucky had bought him a rashie to go with the board shorts. It was one thing to see himself in the mirror but it was another to be standing next to Thor and Bucky Barnes while shirtless. The pictures weren't that much of a problem to be honest – the worst part was that you could see his face. He wouldn't mind being completely naked on the internet if no one could see his face. This made him feel exposed in a way he didn't like.

Then there were the comments. Apparently he was a sex symbol for some people now. He didn't understand it. He would understand every single person in the world falling at any one of the Avengers' feet. He could even understand the obsession with Loki that some people on the internet had – he might be crazier than a bag of cats but he was a very attractive man. Phil knew exactly how attractive he was or wasn't and the type of people that would respond to it – it was something everyone who'd been in his line of work had to know. This he didn't understand but he could accept it.

The problem was one particular photo and he wasn't even the focus of the photo. Half of his body was hidden and you could only see one of his eyes but that eye was giving things away that Phil was very uncomfortable being visible to anyone.

Phil heard the movement in the vents above him and turned off his tablet, the picture still dancing in front of his eyes. He watched the vent as it slowly unhinged and Clint rolled in – landing lightly on his feet and looking at Phil.

"Hello."

"You're right," Clint said. "We need to talk."

"Good, tea?"

Clint nodded and Phil stood to make the other man a cup of the orange tea he liked. Then he came back and sat across from the archer.

"I was beginning to think I'd have to hunt you down," Phil told him.

"I don't like being lied to."

"I know," Phil wished he was wearing a tie that he could straighten but he was in his sleeping pants already. "And you know that I don't lie to you."

"You haven't told me the truth either."

"Do you want me to?" Phil asked.

"It's classified."

"Yes."

"Then don't offer."

"Before I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. I did something else, just like you."

"Being in the circus feels a little different to something that Hill isn't even allowed to know about."

Phil shrugged. "From what I know about the circus it's not really that different."

Clint looked at him over his cooling tea and they were silent. Phil's own tea was gone and Clint was halfway through his when the archer finally spoke.

"I know you're just my handler and m-"

"You and me," Phil broke in, his voice quiet. "I've never just been your handler…well, not since the early days at least."

"You mean when we used to run ops together because you were one of the best Specialists at S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"No, I mean when I'd been promoted because of that job in Meerakesh and I was learning how to be a Handler and we weren't allowed to work together."

"Until the job in Birmingham."

"Until the job in Birmingham and I tried to be your handler, remember?"

"I remember."

"And it didn't work out and we shifted so I wasn't just your handler because that was never going to work. I don't know why you still even have a handler on most of your missions."

"Yes, you do."

Phil sighed. "Yeah, I do."

"I know why you didn't tell me."

"And you know if I could have, I would."

"If you ever need someone to blindly follow you into a situation," Clint said, eyes pointed right over Phil's shoulder. "Because of the black period or anything else, I should be your first call."

"You've always been my first call."

Clint grinned at him suddenly and Phil relaxed.

"We normally drink before these conversations," Clint said.

Phil thought back to the conversations about him being tortured when he'd been an Army Ranger, the conversation about Barney and Kate and everything that lead Clint to run at S.H.I.E.L.D. like the hounds of hell were after him. He thought about a lot of conversations they had had over the years. Clint didn't know how to hold things in, for all you had to know him before he'd let you know anything about him. He nodded at Clint's tea.

"It's not the same, Phil."

Phil immediately felt his lips twitching. "No, but we're getting old, Clint."

Clint laughed. "Breakfast tomorrow?"

Phil nodded and Clint walked to the door, letting himself out without saying goodnight.

Everything settled after that…except…

Two weeks later Dr Doom stole technology from Reed Richards, shot Captain America, and suddenly they had a Steve Rogers from before the serum standing in the middle of Times Square. Everyone froze…except for Dr Doom who turned the gun on Clint and Phil reacted before he had intended to. He was between Clint and Doom and he was the one shot and he felt it exploding out of him before he had even had the opportunity to think about containing it. Dr Doom was gone, dead, and Phil felt the need to curl into himself and hide but he couldn't hide now – everything that he was was now exposed to the world.

"Phil?" Clint asked.

"Don't touch me," Phil said, forcing himself to stand up straight and walk, he ordered everyone out of the quinjet and then he flew to the tower. He locked himself in his bathroom – the cold water of the shower pouring over his head and he tried to tell himself that they would find a way to reverse what Doom had done and Phil would have his control back.

"Agent," JARVIS startled him. "The Avengers are attempting to gain entry."

"Keep them out," Phil ordered.

"I am being overruled by Captain Rogers," JARVIS instructed him. And Phil knew that nothing he said would keep them out now.

"Phil?" Clint's voice.

"Agent Coulson," Steve called out and it wasn't like his voice was different but it was obviously different.

"I'm in here," Coulson called out, voice weaker than he would like it to be. He needed an earpiece to adjust and his tie was stuck to his chest with water.

They came to the door but then they stopped. Phil couldn't bring himself to look up at them.

"We can leave," Steve offered. "If you would prefer to be alone."

"Phil?" Clint prompted and Phil had a feeling that even if the others left Clint would just sit, like a sentinel, outside of the bathroom until Phil came out.

"It's fine," Phil told them, and he looked up to see Clint through the door first, sliding to the side and settling against the cupboard. Phil knew he was thinking that he could climb up onto the bench and have his back to a wall as well as having the best vantage point in the room.

Steve was the next through the door and he didn't look real even though Phil could remember this version of him from studying Captain America footage. A part of him could acknowledge that his sixteen-year-old self was right – this Steve Rogers was too attractive and cute for words. His eyes flicked to Bucky and he watched the man track Steve's movements.

"What happened?" Phil asked.

"Dr Doom is gone," Steve told him. "When he disappeared his henchpeople left quickly. S.H.I.E.L.D. are handling the clean-up."

"He didn't disappear," Phil told him, eyes flickering around the room. "He's dead."

"What was that?" Tony asked, almost jumping at the opening Phil had given him. "What are you? Are you a mutant?"

"I don't know what I am," Phil offered. "I don't have the Mutant X gene though I spent a little time with Hank McCoy when I first presented."

"You are very powerful, Son of Coul," Thor said.

"I'm destructive," Phil countered. "I can't always control it."

"But why are you in the shower?" Tony asked.

"I'm overheating," Phil explained. "After the power comes out I can't control my body temperature and I've found that after an…incident being in the shower helps."

Steve nodded and sunk down to the floor in front of the shower and Phil had never liked the man as much as he did in that moment. The rest of the team followed him, except for Clint who looked like he wasn't sure what to do.

"Can you talk about it?" Bruce asked.

Phil nodded – after all, seeing him kill Dr Doom like that was basically the same as being read into Phil's past. "I grew up in Maine, all completely normal, I was obsessed with Captain America as a boy and I wanted to help save the world so I joined the Army…and became an Army Ranger. Everything up until 1990 is true in my record."

Phil paused and the room waited.

"I was in Iraq when it happened," he finally continued.

Phil patted his tie and straightened his back. Years of conditioned **do not talk about it, don't even think about it, pretend it never happened** warring with his desire to be honest with his team.

"Take as much time as you need," Bucky told him softly. "If you need to wait until later we can wait with you."

Phil looked up at him and saw understanding mixed in with that haunted look he got when he remembered. It was why Phil had been able to see past what the Winter Soldier had done, past what Clint and Natasha had been before to what they were when they had been standing in front of him hoping for a better option. His eyes flicked to Natasha and he saw understanding in her eyes as well but a little bit of something else too that told him she hadn't worked it out before.

"I was pinned down during a mission and they ended up getting my whole team, me, and a unit of British SAS along with a doctor. We were kept for over a month and there was torture but they were very careful not to leave too many scars but they were happy to kill us – I was in charge so they spent a lot of time with me but they couldn't make me tell them things I didn't know even when they were killing my men. They never touched the doctor because he was useful to them. I was being tortured when it happened. It was just like today only I had no idea what was happening. Everyone died except for the British doctor. John and I walked for days until we found a way to get help. I left a trail of destruction behind me."

Stark shot up. "That was you?"

Phil wanted to fidget but he couldn't so he smoothed a hand down his tie again and nodded.

"We got blamed for that – they thought it was misfiring Stark tech."

"It was me…I couldn't cool my body down so I just kept burning."

"And that camp of rebels?" Tony asked. "At the end of the trail?"

"That's how we called for help," Phil said. "John went in alone…he was only slightly injured when he made it out. He never blamed me."

"And then?"

"And then they thought I was a mutant who was displaying late so they let me go to Charles Xavier when I was discharged."

"Honourably?" Bucky asked.

Phil nodded. "Didn't feel like it but yes."

"Sometimes people die and our hands are covered in blood but there was no way we could move them to protect ourselves," Bucky said and Phil wished he had have been more for the other man when he was recovering because he had understood but it didn't been his place and now there was a debt that he couldn't repay.

"I went to Charles but Dr McCoy discovered very quickly I was not a mutant. He didn't put that down on any official paperwork because Charles Xavier might be the world's leading optimist but he's not an idiot and he knew that if they weren't sure what I was I was more likely to disappear into a testing facility. Magneto himself tried to recruit me…in between flirting with Charles." Phil paused and Bruce smirked as though he'd know about that titbit all along. "I stayed with Xavier for over a year trying to control my powers. We even thought we had it under control. This was before the X-men so the only people who know are Charles and Hank. Though I have a feeling Dr McCoy told Havok…who knows what those two talk about when they…anyway. I went out and tried to help and people died and I asked them to hide me. Havok understood in a way that no one else at the time could and he agreed with hiding me. That's when I got my law degree."

Tony laughed. "You were in hiding with mutants, being wooed by Magneto, and trying to control uncontrollable powers, so you decided to get a law degree?"

Phil nodded. He slid forward in the shower, the water no longer beating down on him but when he looked down at his hand there was steam curling above his skin so he held in a sigh and slid back under the spray. When he looked up, Clint was the only one watching him.

"Until today the only other person who knew that my powers were not mutant powers was Nick," Phil went on and everyone's eye drifted back to him but he kept looking at Clint who stared back at him without flinching. "During that time a lot of the older X-men started joining Charles' school. Did you know he and Magneto planned the school together…could you imagine the world we would live in if their vision had have gone on the way it was planned."

"Living in the past isn't worth the pain," Natasha told him.

Phil smiled at her. "It's still a magnificent thought, isn't it, Tasha."

She inclined her head at him.

"But you're right," Phil said, turning back to Clint. "I knew they would find out about me eventually and I did not want to have another incident in a school full of children so I decided to move to a remote part of the country and live out my life in isolation."

"Then what?" Bruce prompted.

"Then McCoy found something in my DNA he could manipulate. And Fury found me and offered me a second chance to help save the world. So McCoy supressed my abilities, Fury made my past disappear so no one could try and undo what Hank did and use me to kill people. And I started working for S.H.I.E.L.D."

"And then you became an Avenger," Tony said. "It's a heart-warming story."

"Then you weren't listening," Phil told him.

Tony rolled his eyes. "JARVIS, drop the temperature in Agent's apartment to the same temperature as his shower."

"Excellent idea, Mr Stark."

"Make it three degrees colder than that, JARVIS," Phil countered.

"Done, Agent."

Phil turned off the water and waited. Bucky looked worried, and his eyes barely strayed away from Steve but Phil couldn't give it any brain power while he was focussed entirely in his own body. He couldn't feel his temperature lifting and he hoped like hell that it was going to hold as the first shiver hit him. He smiled up at Tony who, predictably, looked sickeningly smug.

"We'll leave you alone," Bucky said, grabbing Steve's elbow and then suddenly everyone was gone.

Phil turned the shower back on and used it for its intended purpose and then dried and redressed. When he walked into his bedroom he found Clint in a jumper sitting on the end of his bed.

"How do you feel?" Clint asked.

"Tired," Phil said honestly. "Killing a man won't hit me until later."

Clint nodded and Phil appreciated the lack of comforting words; they both knew those were empty. Clint pulled out something that looked surprisingly like a dart from a dartboard set and held it in his palm in front of Phil.

"What's that?" Phil asked, eying the dart in Clint's hand.

"Tranq dart," Clint told him, fiddling with the dart and twirling it between his fingers. "You sleep, I'll watch, if you start to smoke I'll put this in you."

"I might hurt you," Phil argued.

"I'll be by the door," Clint reassured him, he pulled another dart out of his pocket and walked to the door then flicked his wrist and the dart – one from the set in his quarters, embedded itself between Phil's thumb and forefinger. "I'll be outside before it hits you…and you know it will hit you."

Phil felt something tighten in his chest.

"You do trust me, don't you, Sir?"

"Don't call me Sir when you're about to watch me sleep."

"Phil?"

"You haven't slept either."

Clint shrugged. "Bruce and Tony are looking into a way to reverse what was done to you and Steve. Bucky is watching Steve sleep…or whatever he does when he can't cope with the sheer weight of worrying about Steve. Thor is talking to his mother about your powers to see if they know something of them and Tasha is talking to Fury. All you need to do is sleep, Phil."

Phil was tired…so tired he could barely bring himself to settle on the bed. "I trust you."

Clint smiled at him and Phil thought it might be hard to fall asleep but knowing that Clint would stop him gave him the comfort to sleep.

/\/\/\

Sometimes, only sometimes, Phil could admit that Reid Richards was a smart man. Like all geniuses he was often stupid and reckless and often did not think about consequences but in this he had been smart. There were detailed plans of the tech that Dr Doom had stolen and he was able to fabricate a duplicate and reverse what was done to them. Phil was pleased for himself but he was also thankful for Bucky. The moment Steve was back to being 'Captain America' the other man breathed for the first time in days.

/\/\/\

Phil went and found the other man when everyone else was in the kitchen deciding on which side of the menu to order for dinner…they would end up with half of the thing like normal.

"You were worried," Phil said quietly.

"I wasn't the only one."

"But you were worried for Steve not worried about what I might do without control."

"I knew you wouldn't hurt us," Bucky said. "But Steve might have done something stupid."

"Like what?"

Bucky half laughed. "Picked a fight with Loki, tried to take out Magneto by himself, something like that."

"But…" Phil wanted to say something about Steve being smaller but he was still Steve and the comment would be a lie…and unfair to every David who stood up to a Goliath whether they won or not.

"The best thing about the serum was that he stopped picking fights with guys who were bigger than him."

"To be fair, there aren't that many people bigger than him."

"That and I have never had to spend another night listening to him coughing like he's going to start coughing up blood and die in my arms."

Phil turned to look at him with surprise.

"Every night in winter…I couldn't keep him warm enough – no matter how many extra shifts I would work. Back then I wished I could give him my lungs, who knew it would be actually possible one day."

"That must have been terrible."

"It was…I remember having nightmares when they were reconditioning me and I never knew why but I'd hear someone coughing…always coughing as they were burning me out to remake me. I guess I did remember some things."

Phil wanted to reach out and offer comfort but Steve spoke before he got a chance to work out what to do.

"You never told me that," Steve said quietly from behind them.

"Hadn't thought about it until you were small and I had to think about keeping you alive again."

"I'm not fragile."

"No," Bucky agreed. "But you are a damn fool who has no idea when to back down and let your body rest."

"Jerk."

"Punk."

And Phil had to leave because he'd never heard those words infused with so much love and he felt like he was intruding on something private and intimate.

All-in-all, he didn't mind everyone knowing about his past and his powers because it was freeing to not have secrets from them. And he trusted them not to tell. But then he went online. There were no photos of the actual incident – there couldn't be, there might be film but he doubted it. There was something about his powers that made it hard for people to get it all on film. He checked his normal collection of tumblrs but he found something different.

A lot of photos of Phil and Clint. And one very specific photo of he and Clint. Him, diving in front of Clint with an expression on his face that he couldn't recognise.

And there were more photos. Phil wasn't even sure when they had been taken in some cases, it was him watching Clint jump down from the building. Then another of Phil watching Clint land. And one of him just staring at Clint and he couldn't remember it but they had certainly noted it, and more besides. Apparently there were lots of photos of he and Clint, and someone named **AgentHawkisREAL** had compiled a lot of them. They were also under the impression that they showed Phil's deep and abiding love for Clint which was ridiculous.

But, but…he couldn't stop looking at that photo of him stepping between Doom and Clint.

**TBC  
**


	4. A Lot of Speculation - 01 – Dr Banner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be one part – but then it kept getting bigger and the time between updates kept increasing so I decided to break it up instead and post it in parts that will (hopefully) come more quickly.

**///** **A Lot of Speculation \\\\\ 01 – Dr Banner**

Phil forced the photo out of his mind because there was no way that he was in love with Clint Barton.

And, there were a lot of blogs out there getting deeply invested in the relationships that might exist within the Avengers…and only the ones featuring the ' _epic gay love story of the Winter Soldier and Captain America'_ were even remotely true.

So, obviously, there was no reason that Phil kept checking on the blog. He refused to follow it because then someone might think he believed the blog's message. And he knew that he wasn't in love with Clint.

As a result, on the Wednesday after he had returned to his controlled self, he was certainly not looking at that blog when Bruce searched him out.

"Dr Banner?" Phil said, putting down his tablet and smiling at the doctor.

"I would like to speak to you."

Phil nodded. "Of course, Dr Banner, what can I help you with?"

"It's a private conversation, perhaps you could come to my lab."

Phil stood and followed the doctor, half curious and half worried. As soon as they were inside Bruce turned around and slid his hands into his pockets.

"Dr Banner?"

"You can call me Bruce."

"Thank you…Bruce?"

"I had been running some tests on your blood and the results are in now."

Phil straightened his polo shirt, making sure that the hem was straight before asking what Bruce had found.

"Nothing."

Phil frowned. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"It was the blood I took when you were incapable of controlling your powers."

"You should contact Dr McCoy – I have informed him that you and Tony might do so."

"But that was over twenty years ago, anything he discovered in your blood, should be easily discoverable by all of this…" Bruce waved a hand to indicate all of the fancy equipment around them.

"I've tried," Phil said. "After he was able to supress the…I have never been able to come up with a reasonable name for it, any ideas?"

"The readings from Tony's suit put the powers as something like gamma radiation bursts but with no actual radioactive output. It was definitely energy but not one we could identify without more study."

"I couldn't access the energy again. And I have been tortured, beaten, almost died, and of course everything with Loki almost killing me, and nothing has triggered another incident. Whatever McCoy did I am no longer a danger to people."

Bruce looked like he had other questions but he stopped himself before he asked any of them.

"You're wondering if the same thing could contain the other guy?"

Bruce nodded.

"I will happily answer any questions you have, Dr Banner, and I'm sure Dr McCoy would as well. I understand your desire to control that which you cannot control."

Bruce froze and stared at Phil for a long moment and then he took a step closer. "That's why."

"Why what?"

"Why Fury never sent you after me, why you have never been the one to ask me to go Code Green."

Phil smiled. "I more than most understand the need for control in the face of chaos and your body and powers should be your choice. Something Tony understands as well, I am sure you have noticed."

"When he's not prodding me with sharp things."

"Tony doesn't know the difference between testing limits and pushing boundaries."

Bruce laughed. "Are you sure you don't mind me speaking to Hank?"

"Anything I can do to help," Phil promised.

"And if we could keep this from Tony."

"That is my standard operating position."

Phil left Bruce to his musings and slipped out of the lab. He made it to the elevator when the alarms started blaring through the building and Phil's phone rang. He hit the button to go to his room and…as Cap would call it – _suit up_.

**///**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entire time I was writing this chapter the first line read …no way he was in love with Clint Coulson. I'm taking it as a sign that I've mentally progressed their relationship past all of this denial and angst. One day I will write something for these two that is literally nothing but tooth rotting fluff. I want some tooth rotting fluff in my life – especially for these two so if you have any you'd recommend please let me know…I love recs.


	5. A Lot of Speculation - 03 – Photos and a Story

**/** **A Lot of Speculation \\\\\ 03 – Photos and a Story**

The next week there was a photo, and a _gifset_ – sometimes Phil really did dislike social media – of Phil standing between Clint and Loki and all but yelling at the Asgardian. It apparently showed how protective he was of Clint and that he was BAMF…Phil had been forced to get up and iron his washing after reading that.

Then three days later, there was a picture of them standing next to one another at a coffee shop. They had been collecting an order for the whole team – there was a roster, and there had been photos of every other visit to the place but apparently the way that Clint was looking at him was something called…eye-fucking. Phil had spent the night doing his budget projections for the next year.

Fury had had something to say about the time stamps on his projections but Phil hadn't risen to the comments.

There was nothing more for another month, there had been an Avengers mission but Phil had been in the StarkJet for the whole thing so there were no photos.

He wasn't visible during the mission after that either but this time there was a…story? Phil hadn't wanted to read it but he couldn't resist even if he'd spent the afternoon cleaning every line of grout in his bathroom once he was done. Apparently **AgentHawkisREAL** was of the belief that Phil had been stuck at S.H.I.E.L.D. and hadn't been able to be there on the ground with the Avengers and he'd been distracted from his paperwork by his worry for Clint. The problem was that it was well written. He could understand the motivations of this fake 'Agent' who was in love with Hawkeye and couldn't focus on his paperwork but none of it was real. Phil was very competent and had always been able to compartmentalise and focus. When they had lost Clint to Loki he'd been worried because Clint was a friend as well as a colleague but he, and Natasha both, had got on with the business of saving the world and then doing the paperwork. Well, Phil had been recovering but eventually he'd dictated his paperwork to his PA. When the grout was clean he reminded himself that his life being open to the public was unavoidable because he believed in everything that the Avengers were and he believed in what they would be able to do. He didn't get a costume and he didn't get a secret identity but none of the Avengers did and if what Steve kept telling him, that he was an Avenger, was true then it was only fair that he didn't have one either.

**///**


	6. A Lot of Speculation - 02 – Ohio

**///** **A Lot of Speculation \\\\\ 02 – Ohio**

He joined the team as they climbed into the quinjet and immediately contacted Hill for an update. Hydra was attacking a small town in Ohio for no reason that anyone could understand so Phil asked Jarvis to begin searching as he told the Avengers that were assembled – Steve, Bucky, Tony, Bruce, and Clint, what little he knew.

"What's in Ohio?" Tony asked.

"Something Hydra wants," Clint called back from the pilot's seat.

Phil nodded. "We need to stop them."

Tony rolled his eyes and walked towards the back of the plane. "Keep me up-to-date, Agent."

Phil didn't even bother to respond as Tony flew out of the plane.

It turns out that not-so evil anymore Hydra scientists thought that the best place to hide was in a small town in Ohio where they were unlikely to meet anyone that was connected to their old life. But, Hydra had caught wind of them and their knowledge was apparently worth hunting them down to kill them. Phil wanted them brought into S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers wanted to stop Hydra from killing the scientist's seven year-old daughter.

Phil was running the op from within the StarkJet with Bruce who was monitoring everything and, as always, hoping that the other guy wasn't needed. Phil didn't see the Hydra agent but he did see the gun. Before he was able to call out the warning the gunshot ran through the comms and Steve was falling, tucking his body around the seven year old. The screams of the ex-Hydra scientist jumped up to a pitch that made Phil turn the speaker off.

"Stay here," Phil told Bruce. "I'm getting the child and coming back. We do not need the Other Guy, we need you watching."

Bruce nodded and Phil checked his gun and then slipped out of the StarkJet and started moving towards Steve. He could hear a body thump to the ground off to the right and could see Bucky lowering the gun and rushing, eyes wide with caution, towards Steve who was bleeding heavily into his uniform but was still protecting the small girl while the ex-Hydra agent was trying to kill the people between him and his daughter.

Phil kept low and remembered when he'd been young enough not to have even noticed his body's reaction to this, but it didn't stop him. He paused behind a car and felt a hand on his lower back and knew it was Clint.

"I'm going for the child," Phil told him.

Clint tapped his back once and then stepped away. Phil kept moving until he was on one side of Steve and Bucky was on the other.

"Captain," Phil said, pressing on Steve's shoulder. "I've come to get the child and protect her in the StarkJet, can you let go."

Steve did immediately but the child clung on.

"Captain America is it okay?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yes," Steve said softly. "You can trust Phil and we will get your dad to you as soon as possible."

The girl had rushed at Phil then and he'd felt Clint's hand on his back then the archer stepped in front of them and they starting moving towards the StarkJet. With the girl protected between Clint's back and Phil's chest. They got her into the StarkJet and Phil pressed a thankful hand to Clint's shoulder.

"What are we going to do, Sir?"

"The child is safe," Phil said, knowing that Clint would be able to read the order in those words.

The fight was over not long after that and the ex-Hydra scientist was in the StarkJet and agreeing to tell them everything he knew as he held his daughter tightly.

When the paperwork was done, the team had had their post-fight food, and Steve was sitting on the couch, Bucky perched protectively next to him, being shown some movie or other; Phil was distracted by the photo that had shown up on his regular feed. It was a photo of he and Clint. Amelia, daughter of the ex-Hydra agent, was not visible between them but the photo kept flicking and showing them as they moved from the danger to the safety of the StarkJet. There was nothing even remotely soft in his expression or in Clint's and yet the blog – **AgentHawkisREAL** , seemed to think that the way they worked in unison, the fact they hadn't even needed to talk to make the rescue work…and there were other photos, Phil crouched with Clint's hand on his lower back, one of Clint, arms tensed as he held the bow ready and tracked Phil. This person was convinced that they were in love because they had a good working relationship and knew one another well enough not to need to talk to know what the other one was going to do. Phil had to think that these gifs were even worse than the photos he'd seen before.

"Hmm," Natasha's soft voice in his ear would have startled him if he hadn't trained that reflex out of him. He hit the home button on his StarkPad and wriggled the watch on his wrist. "Interesting assumptions being made on the internet."

"There are a never-ending series of assumptions that people can make when they don't have any facts."

Natasha inclined her head and disappeared.

**///**


	7. A Lot of Speculation - 04 – Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no update yesterday because I went to see Adele and she was amazing! And I'm working late the next two nights so there probably won't be an update until Saturday.

**///** **A Lot of Speculation \\\\\ 04 – Loki**

A week later he had a phone call from the British doctor from all those years ago. The man had intel…though, as far as Phil knew he had been invalided home a tour and a half after the time they had known one another. JARVIS had helpfully provided some information on what the doctor had been doing in the intervening years and then he'd pulled Steve in on the phone call. And they'd ended up in Edinburgh.

It had gone Code Green because of course it was a Loki situation, this time he was working with some academic mathematician and they were attempting to ruin the world. And of course magic had been involved. And of course Bucky had been shot. And of course Phil had left the safety of the StarkJet, which was being protected by JARVIS, to plant himself in front of the Hulk who was trying to shake off whatever it was that Loki had managed to do to him. Magic didn't work on the Hulk but Loki had definitely affected him in some way. Steve was protecting Bucky because there was never going to be a situation where he didn't put himself between danger and Bucky Barnes. Clint was on a roof somewhere and Nat was trying to take out all of the henchpeople single-handedly so Phil planted himself between Loki and the Hulk and hoped like hell he wasn't about to die. He wasn't sure he would be able to cope with the fallout on tumblr if he died and he had a feeling that he would have to deal with it even in death.

"Well, well, _Agent_ ," Loki said, voice dripping with enough interest that it made Phil's hand press into his tie immediately. He adjusted the knot and then forced himself to look Loki directly in the eye. "You have been hiding something quite interesting."

Phil froze and a trickle of dread flicked at the back of his mind. But, he pushed it down and away and lifted the large gun at his side. "I wouldn't say hiding it."

"Oh, not that gun," Loki smirked at him.

"I have another three on my person," Phil said blandly.

"And an archer on the roof and a debilitated super soldier and a befuddled monster who turns out to be the lesser of two evils."

The trickle of dread turned into a flood of certain fear; Loki knew about his powers now and he didn't know what Loki's seiðr would be able to do with his powers. Thor hadn't been able to find anything when he had spoken to his mother but Loki was an entirely different bag of crazy to what Thor said of his mother.

"The Hulk is often the lesser of two evils when faced with beings like you," Phil said, choosing to pretend he didn't know what Loki was referring to and flicking his thumb over the safety on the gun.

"There are no beings like me!" Loki spat.

Thunder clapped in the clear sky above them and the sky started to darken. Loki's eyes darkened in response and the joyful look on his face fell a little.

"And there are no beings like him either," Phil said, relaxing back while the black clouds gathered above them.

Loki growled and twisted his staff through the air, gathering momentum and making the air close, before he swung it into a final arc towards Phil's chest and then something slammed into Phil and he was yanked back and up, padded wires biting into his arms as he flew through the air and away from Loki. He watched as Thor slammed down to the ground in front of Loki and they both disappeared in a brilliant flash of light from the Bifröst. Phil dangled above the other Avengers for several long minutes until Clint swung down next to him and hooked his hand onto Phil's elbow and swung them both to a nearby roof where they were able to land and Clint started cutting Phil loose.

"Well, that was stupid," Clint said, shaking his head.

"You're the one who tied me up with one of those arrows," Phil pointed out, watching as a team of plainly dressed SAS soldiers and MI:6 officers descended and collected the mathematician before disappearing.

"Not that," Clint said, exasperation clear in his voice. He looked up at Phil and even though his eyes were sparkling Phil could see the worry and censure below that. "The trying to take Loki down, alone, again."

"I couldn't let him keep affecting the Hulk – who knows what he'd have been able to do to Bruce if someone didn't stop him."

"We would have stopped him without you facing him like that again."

"Again?"

"The helicarrier," Clint said, voice dripping with something that Phil couldn't identify and the strain of quiet judgement over Phil's lack of understanding. "Facing Loki down on your own again."

"Just like you would," Phil pointed out.

Below them S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, MI:5 agents, and police were scurrying to clean up the mess and make sure that any bystanders were getting medical assistance where needed. Steve was coordinating with half his attention as he tried to convince Bucky to get into an ambulance and go to the hospital and Bucky refused to leave until Steve could come with him. Bruce was back to himself and hiding in the StarkJet while Tony tried to coordinate around Steve and Bucky and Nat watched everything from the door of the StarkJet. But, Phil and Clint had no idea as they stood on a rooftop.

"I didn't almost die," Clint pointed out.

"No, you were brainwashed," Phil said, making sure his voice was as emotionless and bland as possible.

"More reason for us to avoid the demigod."

"Asgardian," Phil corrected because he might not be a religious man but he didn't like anyone making the god connection when there was a more scientific explanation and anything that diminished the power of Loki was good. If it also diminished the power of Thor it was something Phil could live with.

"Yes, then we should both avoid the Jotun," Clint said, just a hint of _two can play at this game_ in his voice as he corrected Phil. Phil allowed himself a smile in response.

"Our jobs don't allow us to just ignore the guy with magical powers when he's trying to do evil things in Edinburgh."

"Well our jobs also involve the Jotun's Asgardian brother so it's best to leave Loki to Thor and whatever is about to happen on Asgard."

"Thor did sweep him away very quickly," Phil commented. "They must have been waiting for him to show up so they could capture him."

"Maybe Odin isn't the terrible king he appears to be from looking at Loki."

"I think that is more of an indictment on his skill as a father than his ability as a King."

There was a loud siren below them and Phil was brought back to the moment. He looked down at the scurry of people that he should be involved in, that he should be organising. He said as much to Clint and the archer nodded and turned to the door on the roof behind them.

"There wasn't anything else to that conversation with Loki was there?" Clint asked, turning suddenly, just before would have slipped through the door in front of Phil.

"No," Phil said, pushing him into the darkness of the building.

When Phil got home, they debriefed with Steve seeming to be only half there so Phil finally decided to leave it until the next day and every one scattered to find food, or to rush to Bucky's side, and Phil decided to go home, shower, and then utilise that amazing office to fill out the paperwork associated with an international Avengers operation. Except, once he had showered and eaten he decided that he could give himself the night off as well so he flicked through Stark's media library until he found the collection of reality TV that seemed like they would be a good distraction. He wasn't going to get out his tablet because he didn't want the temptation of checking but then he needed to research something he'd seen on the show and then it was a quick tap to look at tumblr and see his dash filled with photos of Edinburgh…and a lot of photos of Steve and Bucky and then even more of him and Clint on the roof. He wasn't going to flick to the other blog but his curiosity got the better of him so he visited **AgentHawkisREAL** against his better judgement.

Phil looked at the photo of himself staring at Clint and was reminded of the way he father used to look at Aunt Helen…and how much like his father he was in looks even if he wasn't anything like him in personality. But, he couldn't be looking at Clint like his father had looked at his aunt because that had ruined his family, led to something of a scandal in their little hometown and had left his childhood broken into two parts. No matter that his father and Aunt Helen had been happily living in…he refused to call it sin no matter what his nana said every time it came up, for over thirty years. He closed tumblr and went to do some ironing, pushing that picture out of his head.

**///**


	8. A Lot of Speculation - 05 – Dad and Aunt Helen

**///** **A Lot of Speculation \\\\\ 05 – Dad and Aunt Helen**

Four a half weeks later, he was sitting in the back of an ambulance, a brightly coloured blanket the only thing keeping his modesty in tact and a throbbing headache beating behind his eyes. Clint was guarding him because Nat had been laughing, which was worrying, and Bruce was trying to remember how to speak so he was being watched closely by Tony, Thor, and Steve just in case the other guy showed up. He couldn't remember how he lost his clothes but he did know that there would be video and photographic evidence so he'd be able to work it out later and for now he just wanted Clint to hit him so he could escape the pain but he knew the archer would never agree. So, when the paramedic told him they were taking him to a S.H.I.E.L.D. hospital, he nodded and hoped for the good drugs before Clint climbed into the ambulance with him.

Two days later, when he could look at a screen without wanting to vomit, he bit the bullet and got onto tumblr and assumed he was looking at some very good photoshopping. He certainly hadn't kissed Clint…especially not like that, and not one of the people who had debriefed him since the incident had mentioned it. Then he found the video and realised that it was certainly not photoshopped and just as Clint was pulling back from him the creature they had been facing snatched Phil away and then Clint was running after the creature. Phil put the tablet down and looked around his rooms – Tony had had his cleaners go through the room before he'd come home and there was no cleaning to be done, but he looked at his book shelves and decided to reorganise it based on genre but then remembered he'd done that before and it would be too easy to replicate so he cast his mind around and decided to order it based on the author's place of birth…country only since he might need something very involved when he went and spoke to Clint the next day.

JARVIS made the whole exercise easier than Phil wanted it to be but once he'd started thinking about the fact that there was no reason for him to have kissed Clint except wanting to he found it too hard to organise the books on his own. He'd lost his clothes to the thing he'd fought because otherwise he'd have been covered in acid burns and the head wound was what you got when a giant beast hit you in the head and you flew into a building. He really did think he might be getting too old for field work especially when his team consisted of a god, enhanced humans, and Tony Stark whose body might be older but whose brain was twenty-one. He couldn't get the image of him looking at Clint like his father had looked at his aunt and he wondered if maybe…maybe…he…he thumped his head into the bookcase in front of him and then groaned and then swore because he was still one giant bruise. If he had feelings for Clint he was even more repressed than he would have allowed up until now and with that thought he had no choice but to call his sister.

"Phil?"

"Hello Jenny," Phil said, sinking to the floor next to his bookcase.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

Phil sighed. "There is this tumblr."

"AgentHawk," Jenny said, doing that thing she did where he was fairly certain she was actually a spy as well except she was an accountant who still lived in Maine with three children and a husband who worked part time as a teacher and was mostly a stay at home dad with a carpentry shed where he made things he sold online.

"You know about that?"

"You've stopped being a spy and have become an _Avenger_ so of course I have my spies on it."

"James?"

"Exactly," Jenny said. "She's having a lot of fun tracking her uncle and his superhero boyfriend."

"We're not dating."

"I know."

"But…"

"But you look at him like Dad looked at Aunty Helen before he left mum and caused a scandal."

"I saw that."

"How long ago?"

"That photo from Boston."

Jenny laughed at him. "Oh no, you've been looking at him like that for a long time. I saw it when I came to New York last time."

"What?"

"You're the most repressed man in the universe," Jenny pointed out. "Which I understand because between DADT and being a Ranger and the thing we don't talk about and being a spy, if an inability to recognise when you're in love is your biggest issue then I'm happy and it's miraculous."

"I'm not a spy."

"Phillip James Coulson, do not lie to your sister."

"I'm not a spy; I'm a special liaison with the Avengers and an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D."

Jenny huffed down the phone.

"Nat's the spy."

"She knows you're in love with Clint too."

Phil picked at the hem of his polo shirt and held in any verbal reaction to that he wanted to make.

"Phil, don't do that stupid control your body and clothes to deal with the things you can't control thing," Jenny told him. "That is your problem; you've supressed everything for so long you don't even know how to fall in love with a hunk without being so deep in denial that people on the internet work it out before you do. And, this is why you called me, because I will call you on your shit and there is no rank involved."

"What am I supposed to do?" Phil asked quietly.

"Decide if it's worth letting go of that control a little and then go and kiss Clint."

Phil let out a long breath. "Clint's…"

"Uncontrollable and unpredictable, and unwilling to be handled."

"I was his handler; I handled him all of the time."

"Fine, fine, unwilling to be _managed_ by you which means he's not going to just fade to nothing like most of the people you date."

"Fade to nothing?"

"Either they are overly accommodating and you work until they disappear or they are mad about how much time you give to work and you choose work."

"There was Audrey."

"Who moved to a different state."

"And Hamish."

"Who was also in the army and also couldn't ask or tell so that was never going anywhere which was exactly what you both wanted."

Phil let out a sigh before he could hold it in. Jenny let out a giggle of a laugh.

"You seem very sure of your intel."

Jenny's end of the conversation got muffled but Phil could still hear her yelling for James and moments later his niece was on the phone.

"Hey Uncle Phil."

"Hello James."

"What's up?"

"How is uni?"

"Good, good, I'm waiting for the results from last semester but I'm feeling good about it."

"Are you still coming in the summer?"

"Will you still introduce me to Bruce Banner?"

"Of course, what kind of uncle would I be if I didn't introduce you to your science hero?"

"Uncle Phil," James said, laughter in her voice. "We've talked about the breakthroughs he's made in astrophysics and molecular biology, if I could pick his brain for just five minutes I'd learn more than I could learn in a classroom over an entire semester…maybe a year...maybe my entire _degree_."

"And that is why I will organise you to have at least an hour to fangirl at him."

James made an indignant noise. "It's not the same when it's about science…and I've seen your Captain America collection."

"You remind me of your mother."

"You used to be my favourite uncle."

"And I will be again when I introduce you to Bruce."

James laughed. "Now, are you going to ask me about the whole AgentHawk thing?"

"No."

"You're pretty cool, Uncle Phil, I think you should go for it – you deserve someone if you want them. If you don't then know that that's okay too."

Phil smiled down the phone. "Thank you."

"Sometimes people act like being in a relationship is all there is."

"I know," Phil said, thinking about the number of years he'd been single in his life. He hadn't lost anything by not being in a relationship.

"Good, Nana can be so old fashioned about that stuff. I swear she thinks I'm going to be some sort of spinster with a thousand cats because I'm over twenty and not in a long term relationship."

"Don't let the grandparent get you down, Jay."

"Okay, Uncle Phil. Will you introduce me to Hawkeye when I come?"

"If you like."

"Even if you aren't going to act on the way you look at him."

Phil looked up at the ceiling with exasperation. "You seem very sure of yourself."

"If some person looked at me like that, Uncle Phil, I would…well, I suppose it depended on the person but I would certainly look at them seriously."

"I really look at him like that."

James sighed dramatically. "I'll send you some pictures."

"And send me the dates for your trip – I will do my best to make sure I can spend some of the time with you. And if you want, you can stay with me."

James's voice took on a high note. "At the Avengers Tower?"

Phil smiled into the phone. "I know you're too cool to want to stay with your boring old uncle but…"

"I'll think about it."

"Okay, are your brothers home?"

"Nah, they're at basketball with Dad. Are you still calling on Sunday?"

"Yes, tonight was just to speak to your mother."

"Don't tell her this, but she's usually right."

"I know," Phil said. "That's what's so annoying about her."

"Right?" James said emphatically. "Talk on Sunday."

"Night, James, and tell your mother I'll think about it."

Phil hung up the phone and looked up at the ceiling. "JARVIS, when my niece sends me an email can you notify me?"

"Of course, Agent."

Phil went back to sorting his books until James's email arrived and he stopped to look at the dossier she had put together. It was comprehensive and she'd sent two versions of every photo – the first one undoctored, the second with circles around things he should look at and little comments. She had put together a very comprehensive set of evidence. Not just about how Phil looked at Clint but about a few where she had circled Clint's expression or body language instead and Phil stayed up later than intended looking at them while he finished sorting out his bookcase.

He appreciated that she didn't send him a copy of the one where they were kissing – he knew that she would have seen it and they were both being discrete.

When he had put away a book by his sole Zimbabwean author he changed and crawled into bed. He dreamed of arrows, cocky smiles, and biceps and woke up just a little short of breath.

**///**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When then was half written I stacked it and gave myself a blood nose and have been a giant bruise all week. Alas, I didn't kiss Clint beforehand...


	9. A Lot of Speculation - 06 – Several Attempts

**///** **A Lot of Speculation \\\\\ 06 – Several Attempts**

Phil lifted his hand to knock on Clint's door and then froze – the Avengers alarm blaring around him. The door in front of him opened and Clint took a step back.

"Phil?"

Phil awkwardly pointed up. "Avengers alarm."

Clint frowned at him but nodded and stepped out of the room. "You planning on collecting us all?"

"I was just passing when the alarm started. I'll meet you at the StarkJet."

"Nat's room is down the hallway to your left if you're looking to collect everyone."

Phil immediately turned to the right and ignored Clint's low chuckle behind him. He walked back to his rooms and got changed. When he got to the StarkJet no one was inside but Clint who stared at him for a moment.

"Where is everyone?" Phil asked the archer.

Clint shrugged. "Don't know, boss, weren't you collecting them?"

Phil had only a moment to look at Clint with exasperated judgement while he forced down his amusement before Steve strode into the plane. Then, like they had given up with the appearance of Captain America, the rest of the available Avengers appeared and smirked at Phil as they walked into the plane. Except for Tony who had the biggest grin on his face Phil had seen all week and then clapped Clint on the back.

"You got that vein on the side of his neck, 3000 points."

Phil's eyes flickered to Nat who looked suitably unimpressed, her eyes met his for a moment though and then flicked away. He turned to Tony and smiled – he could use this little titbit later. Phil turned away from Tony and pulled out his tablet, pulling up what S.H.I.E.L.D. knew about the situation. It was a hostage situation in Boston with enhanced perpetrators and the Avengers had been called in after three police had been injured and a different type of containment was needed.

The photos the next day were completely free of Hawkeye because Clint had been hit by the sonic wave that one of the women was using within minutes of landing and had slammed into the side of a building and was out for the rest of the fight. There was one of Phil in the middle of the clean-up though.

Phil couldn't say anything when Clint was recovering so he just went to the doughnut shop that Clint loved and bought the archer a baker's dozen of doughnuts in the strangest flavours he could choose then he bought himself six cinnamon doughnuts and knew Clint was going to steal half of them.

(_)(_)(_)

The week that Clint was ready to go back to work, Phil was dragged into S.H.I.E.L.D. by Nick for a departmental heads meeting in response to a U.N. proposal regarding oversight for the Avengers. Without the World Security Council, and their HYDRA ties, there wasn't international oversight of S.H.I.E.L.D. so the continued goodwill regarding the Avengers acting on foreign soil was diminishing at the same rate as most goodwill towards America. People liked the Avengers – they could understand that regardless of the property destruction, the result would be worse if there wasn't someone there to stand between the innocent people and those beings trying to wreak havoc.

Phil was tied up in meetings, both public and private, for over a month while S.H.I.E.L.D. and the UN hammered out an agreement for oversight without losing autonomy. Phil remained as anonymous as possible because he was not the face of S.H.I.E.L.D. and as much as he had become entwined with the Avengers his real skill was to be the person whispering intel into people's ears even if he could kill someone with his bare hands, a spoon, or some otherworldly power he liked to pretend wasn't real. Phil barely left his S.H.I.E.L.D. office, spending more time surrounded by paper and arcane international law than destruction and mayhem and a part of him revelled in it. This was something he loved doing, even if it gave him a headache on alternating days.

When he was finally able to go back to the Avengers tower, hopefully to sleep for at least a week, he couldn't get past the recreational rooms where Steve and Bucky were hunched over a newspaper (real paper one) and Nat was perched on a side table watching the elevator for him.

"Tasha."

"Phil," Nat said, unfolding herself and then stalking over to him. "You look tired."

"I am tired."

"Kitchen," she ordered and pointed past Steve and Bucky to the communal kitchen.

Phil didn't have the energy to argue with her and he knew that she would make him eat and he wouldn't need to open his fridge and deal with the spoiled food. She pushed him down onto a chair and then went to the fridge and pulled out a plate. She put it into the microwave and then sat down across from him.

"You're feeding me?" Phil said, his lips quirking.

"Don't get your hopes up," she said, "it isn't my varenyky."

Phil smiled and slumped a little into his chair. "Then I know you aren't bribing me."

"I haven't killed anyone I shouldn't have."

Phil chuckled slowly as the microwave dinged and Nat patted his wrist before standing and collecting his food. She perched on the other side of the table while he was looking down at the plate of schnitzel and vegetables – it had been cooked by Clint (one of only the three meals the man could make with any competence). Phil took just a minute to be jealous that he hadn't been around for the original meal but he picked up his knife and fork quickly and started eating, savouring as he did so.

"You were meant to be back yesterday."

Phil nodded. "Last minute contentious subclause."

"Clint cooked."

"I can tell."

She stared at him intently. "Sitwell isn't as good as you."

"He's very competent."

"But, he isn't you," Nat pointed out and then stood up to collect two glasses of water.

"Is this you bribing me not to let Sitwell be your handler again?"

"You're supposed to be an Avenger now."

Phil ate another bite instead of smiling at her.

"Get some sleep, you look terrible," she said before she took her glass of water and walked out of the kitchen. Phil sat and finished his dinner before putting his dishes in the dishwasher and walking to his room. Clint joined him halfway down the hallway.

"Phil."

Phil turned to look at him, feeling his equilibrium was a little off due to exhaustion. "Clint."

"You're looking rough, boss."

Phil nodded. "My office couch is comfortable but it's not a bed."

"Oh I know," Clint said, throwing him a cheeky wink.

Phil remembered just how often Clint had fallen asleep on his couch post mission; needing a safe place to deflate after being undercover in varying levels of unsafe places. He was tempted to say something, this was the first real chance he had had since their kiss, the one he still didn't remember, and he knew it was the wrong time. He was exhausted and he knew that conversations that occurred when people were this tired could not be relied on. He told himself he would find Clint the next day and finally get some answers as the archer walked him back to his room and then left him with a jaunty salute.

(_)(_)(_)

The next morning, Phil surfaced out of a deep sleep and threw his blankets off before throwing his arms and legs out and revelling in the cold air that JARVIS was pumping out. He closed his eyes, let out a deep breath and then asked JARVIS to find him a show to put on while he allowed himself the luxury of wallowing in bed before getting up. When he was ready he climbed out of bed and showered, shaved, and then dressed carefully in jeans and a polo shirt. He thought that Clint would appreciate the jeans – the other man had made comments the few other times he had worn them. Then he left his apartment and headed towards Clint's.

Phil took a deep breath and smoothed down the collar of his polo shirt. Then he lifted his hand and knocked.

The door in front of him swung open but instead of Clint Phil was faced with a tall blonde.

"Bobbi?" Phil asked, surprised and letting her given name slip without thought.

"Hello Agent Coulson," she said, with a tight smile. "Are you looking for Clint?"

Phil shook his head, then stopped himself and took a small step back. "No, just let him know I came by."

Phil turned and walked back to his room, counting the beats of his steps in his head until he was in his apartments. He looked around at his very clean apartment and his ordered bookcase and then walked into his kitchen. He pulled out all of the spices and herbs he had in jars and bags. Then he started organising them by scientific name.

Phil didn't see Clint again for six weeks and when he came back the archer was limping and covered in bruises but he waved off any attempt to send him to medical and disappeared into his apartments.

That night, while Phil was making himself dinner there was a knock on the door and Phil asked JARVIS who was there as he walked towards it. Clint was standing on the other side, his face a mixture of yellow and purple bruises and one of his eyes half closed due to swelling.

"Clint?"

Clint tried to smile but it didn't end up stretching as widely as normal. "Bobbi mentioned you came to my apartment the day we left."

Phil nodded and the smell of food behind him made him turn. "Come inside. I did."

"Bobbi needed help with something from back when we were married."

"Is it sorted?"

"Yeah," Clint grimaced as he sat at Phil's kitchen table and Phil realised with surprise that Clint allowed him that – allowed him to see weaknesses that he would not show to others. Phil wondered briefly how long Clint had allowed him that and why he had never noticed before.

"Dinner?"

"Smells good."

"It will be ready in a couple of minutes, why don't you go and sit on the couch and pick out something to watch. We can eat there this time."

Clint nodded and stood up. Phil watched him walk away and told himself their conversation could wait until he was better. It had only been…four…four?...yes, definitely four months since their kiss. Another day wouldn't make any difference and at this point.

Though, as he dished out two plates of food he couldn't help but wonder if too much time had passed and mentioning it might not stir up something that Clint was obviously uninterested in talking about. It might be best to let it go.

**///**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spices and herbs reorganisation was suggested to me by [Wanted_A_Pony](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanted_A_Pony/pseuds/Wanted_A_Pony) who gave credit to: [ArwenOak](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenOak) but I thought it was just perfect so it's in here.   
> I think there are only two more chapters to this, after Phil pulls his head from his backside in the next chapter.


	10. A Lot of Speculation - 07 – Unintended Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, to the chapter I hadn't intended to write but was needed. If I promised you Phil was going to get a clue at the end of this chapter I've kind of misled you. I hope you enjoy!

**/// A Lot of Speculation \\\\\ 07 – Unintended Interlude**

Phil rushed out in the street and lifted his gun, catching Alkehma's attention. She held out her hand and a series of voices all protesting his actions created a cacophony in his head that only Stark's tech would have been able to cope with.

"Agent," she said, voice booming out at him. "You are no match for me."

"No," Phil agreed. "But I am not going to allow you to kill anyone else."

"You have no power against me!"

Phil didn't respond, allowing his silence to annoy Alkehma while the Avengers moved into position. Alkehma jerked backwards and sent a beat of energy out towards the building where Bucky was hiding with his sniper rifle. Phil heard Romanian swearing in his ear and Steve's frantic request for Bucky's status. Phil took a step closer to Alkehma to get her attention back.

"You will not beat me," she hissed at him.

"Possibly not," Phil agreed. "But we won't let you simply start killing people because you believe you have some supremacy over us."

"Why? Isn't that what you do; killing all the little animals and the big beasts, polluting the land and killing your own kind. You believe you are more important than every thing on this planet and beyond and yet you call me out on my beliefs of supremacy? Hypocritical!"

"Possibly, but not all of us are what you accuse us of being."

"I have all of your history in my brain, the devastation caused by the Romans – the species they wiped from this planet. The society your people hold as so virtuous, so worth emulating. And your media…give them circuses and give them bread and now give them reality television and give them high-fructose corn syrup."

Phil inclined his head because the problem with people like Alkehma was that there was always that kernel of truth to what they said but they saw only darkness in a world of black. There was only their vision of right and no grey, no light, in the world.

Alkehma began listing all of the horrible acts in human history and Phil relaxed now that she was distracted. There were no outward signs but he knew how important it was for her to be distracted at the moment. He could read what was not being said over the comms and he knew that the rest of the team needed time. He wasn't sure what the signal was going to be but he was ready for it when it came. Or, he thought he was…the signal when it came had obviously been an accident because with one hand Alkehma shot a blast of electromagnetic energy at Phil, knocking him off his feet, and shot at Steve with the other. Phil was about to get back up and join in on the fight when Alkehma threw something up into the sky and he was slammed into the ground by whatever she had released and was unable to move until long after the battle was over and Tony had been able to find a way to cut through the material and free him.

Later, after the debrief, Phil slipped into bed with a sigh. His body ached, and as much as he appreciated the fact that he wasn't dead at the hand of a megalomaniacal android hell bent on destroying the world, he really wished he'd become an accountant.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, Agent?"

"Any new photos from today?"

"Yes, Agent, displaying them now."

Phil looked at the TV watching as JARVIS showed any photos of him from today as a slideshow. There were lots of them, him holding a gun, standing in front of Alkehma who was either monologuing or threatening his life. They were nothing special, just a series of photos that he knew they would get, he sighed out his exhaustion and then dropped his head but as he did he saw something out of the corner of his eye in the corner of one of the photos.

"Go back," he said, sitting up. "Another one, yes that one."

Phil stood up and walked closer to the screen. He didn't want to think he saw what he was seeing.

"Agent, would you like me to zoom onto any particular aspect of this photo?" JARVIS asked.

Phil nodded and then realised that was a silly thing to have done. "Yes please, JARVIS, I need this area of the photo at the highest zoom to still be clear."

"I will find the original photo," JARVIS said and the screen did nothing for a few moments and then the photo refreshed and JARVIS started to zoom in on the area of the photo he had specified.

"Can you run this face through your facial recognition software?" Phil asked, already sure he knew who it was.

"Yes, Agent, would you like to narrow down the search parameters?"

Phil pressed his fingers to the screen and then took a step back. "Narrow it down to known enemies of the Avengers."

"And Hawkeye specifically?" JARVIS asked, a series of photos coming up showing the man in question tracking Clint with his eyes.

"Yes," Phil said, "and then I need to speak to Director Fury and Captain Rogers."

"They have been invited to your office in one hour."

"Thank you, JARVIS."

"You're welcome, Agent."

Phil sighed and turned around. He walked into his kitchen and found something to eat as JARVIS worked – if his suspicions were right then he might not be able to eat again for a while.

JARVIS alerted Phil to his findings just as he was stacking his dishwasher and debating the merits of putting it on with a half load just in case.

"Agent?" JARVIS said, interrupting his debate.

"Yes?"

"I believe I have confirmed your suspicions that the man in this photo and the others I have located was Buck Chisholm."

Phil wanted to swear but it wasn't the right time to do so. "Ask Clint if he can come to my apartment please."

"Done, Agent."

A few minutes later, Clint knocked on his door and Phil smoothed the hem of his shirt before he opened it.

"Hey, Phil," Clint said with a smile that fell off his face as soon as he saw the collection of photos that were being projected around the room. "What is this?"

"Something I missed before," Phil admitted. "I saw someone in a photo from today's mission."

"Buck?"

"Yes, so I've had JARVIS scanning photos from our previous missions and he's spotted Buck Chisholm at our last three incursions here in New York. I had no intention of asking but what did you and Bobbi deal with?"

"Not Buck."

"All right, then he's here for a reason and whatever that reason is, he's trying to hide from you and from us."

"I need to go out and find him."

"That is exactly what you do not need to do, Clint."

"Then what, sit here?"

"Then Steve and Nick are on their way and when they get here we will have a conversation about what to do next. You're not alone in this, Clint."

Clint looked at him for a long minute and then threw himself back onto Phil's couch. "This was before I was part of S.H.I.E.L.D."

"I don't care if it was from before you were born," Phil said firmly. "If someone is coming after you we will stop it."

Clint looked at him for a moment and then smiled. "I don't want you to think this is sarcastic, Phil, because I truly mean it…you're my hero."

Phil couldn't hold back the smile that tugged at his lips. He was saved from having to respond by a firm knock on his door. "That will be Steve."

Steve and Fury were both standing on the other side of the door. They came in, looked at the evidence and unanimously argued for tracking down Buck Chisholm but Phil watched Clint who grew more tense with each new suggestion of ways to capture Buck so that they could question him and Phil suspected that what they were suggesting would either never work or that there was something that Clint wasn't telling them but he couldn't call the other man out until they were alone.

When Steve left to plan out the strategy with Strike Team Delta and Nick nodded at them both instead of saying goodbye, Phil stopped Clint from leaving with a hand on his wrist.

"Coulson?" Clint asked.

Phil noted the use of his last name and looked at the door to make sure it was closed. "What aren't you telling us?"

"Nothing you don't already know."

"Then spell it out for me."

Clint yanked his hand away and then folded his arms across his chest. "Buck was in the circus."

"Yes."

"So, he's not part of any network that Steve or Nick have access to. All of their plans are based on their ability to infiltrate or gain access to whatever criminal network that Buck is part of but the truth is they cannot get into one of those networks."

"Because they will be a circus network."

"Exactly."

Phil pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose and allowed himself time to think. "So, to find him we'd need a way to get into a circus as a seasoned performer who wouldn't even be able to ask questions for a long time because the second they asked any questions the rest of the circus network would shut down and they would get nothing."

"No one talked to Barney and I for the first month we were in the circus except to tell us to do shit or to tell us we'd done it wrong."

"Then what are our options."

"Use me as bait and dangle me somewhere that Buck feels comfortable either grabbing me or talking to me."

Phil stood up. "Tequila and then we'll come up with a workable plan. We go to Steve and Nick with a plan and we have a better chance than if we just tell them that their plans are wrong."

Clint tracked Phil with his eyes but Phil forced himself to walk normally into the kitchen, find his bottle of tequila, and then dig out a lime and some salt. By the time he made it back into the lounge room, Clint was sprawled into one corner of his couch.

"There is only one plan that makes sense, Phil."

"Is it you as bait?"

Clint nodded.

"Do you remember Marrakesh?"

Clint rolled his eyes. "It's not the same."

"It is you putting your life on the line, and what did you tell me in Marrakesh?"

Clint glared at him. "It's not the same."

"You told me that my life wasn't a price you were willing to pay to catch that woman…or her group."

"It's not the same."

"Why not? Your life isn't a price I am willing to pay to catch Buck or get answers, and it shouldn't be a price you're willing to pay either."

"You don't know that he's going to kill me."

"He tried to kill you when you were in the circus."

"And he didn't succeed," Clint pointed out forcefully and waved a hand down his chest in snarky evidence.

"And time and distance doesn't mean that he's no longer looking to kill you."

"I beat him then and I'm a better fighter now than I was as a nineteen year old kid in the circus."

"And we have no idea what he's been doing in that time."

"Probably not being trained by the air force and then S.H.I.E.L.D. to be an assassin and very effective soldier."

"But fester a hatred that a nineteen year old circus punk with a chip on your shoulder and less skill than him with a bow and arrow beat him in front of his entire circus."

"I have more skill with a bow and arrow than him." Clint huffed.

"Did you then?" Phil snapped back.

Clint huffed and yanked the tequila off the table. He poured them both a shot and handed one to Phil. "No."

"Then we need a better plan than dangle Clint in front of someone who wants to kill him."

Clint laughed. "You are always the voice of reason in my head, Phil."

"And you are the one that encourages me to do reckless things."

"But they work."

"Only when you do them," Phil said. "If I threw myself off a building and hoped for the best I'd die."

"I'd never let you fall to your death," Clint said, an odd note in his tone.

Phil allowed that thought to warm him as they started planning something that might actually work. Three days later, without Steve's approval but with no direct refusal from Fury, they set out for New Jersey and a ringmaster that was still friendly with Clint. From there it was a trip around New York State and Pennsylvania to a group of fairgrounds where they were in the middle of peak season for travelling circuses. They finally found out where Buck was hiding out when they ran down a sword-swallowing couple who were very fond of Clint and the couple not only told them where Buck was but also insisted that Clint and Phil rest in their lounge room for the night. Phil was worried but Clint insisted that these two were more than trustworthy. Phil still wanted to sleep in shifts but they had been doing that for longer than even Phil could justify.

The next day, Phil and Clint were tracking Buck as he walked through Rittenhouse Square when the man walked into a bar and Phil looked at Clint. Clint followed Buck into the bar and Phil slid himself into a vantage point with a clear line of sight between his weapon and Buck's centre mass. The only problem was that he couldn't completely make out what they were saying. Then suddenly Clint stood up, said something furiously to Buck, and stalked over to Phil.

"What?" Phil asked.

"He wants a duel."

Phil frowned and his eyes flicked to Buck who was still sitting at his table. "Why?"

"He wouldn't tell me."

"In one minute, unless I call in, S.H.I.E.L.D. will be here to pick him up."

Clint looked back at the table. "He taught me how to shoot."

"And he wants to duel to…I assume to the death?" Clint nodded. "Then we need answers."

"Let S.H.I.E.L.D. come." Clint said, resignation thick in his voice.

Phil nodded and had to force his eyes away from Clint. He felt the overwhelming urge to drag the other man out of here and drive until they hit Bed Stuy and the little Chinese restaurant they found ten years ago and buy as much Szechuan beef and fried rice as the other man could handle then take him back to Phil's apartment, not the one at the tower but the crappy but secure little safe apartment he kept in Bed Stuy under someone else's name, so they could watch Bond movies and mock them until Clint lost that particular look in his eyes.

"As soon as they have him we'll go there," Clint said.

Phil's eyes caught Clint's and the archer smirked at him.

S.H.I.E.L.D. arrived seconds later and quickly and cleanly took Buck away. Phil called Fury and told him he would come in the next day – Fury told him not to bother until the day after, and then Phil got them in a car and headed for Bed-Stuy. They arrived just in time for Phil to drop Clint three streets from the apartment for a shower while he got the food and then hid the car so that it couldn't be tracked to his building before night fell. Once they were clean and settled they didn't speak, just watched Sean Connery and ate their weight in Chinese food.

"Thank you," Clint said, the first words that had been spoken in hours.

"You don't need to thank me for any of this," Phil said, waving a hand around the apartment.

"But the last few weeks…"

"Nat would sat I owe a debt but even if I didn't you know I'd have been here anyway so you still don't have to thank me."

"But I'm going to anyway."

"You're welcome."

Hours later, well into the next morning but before the dawn light was able to make it through the blinds, they crawled into the two beds that he kept for just this reason and Phil found himself watching Clint and thinking about that kiss.

"There is something on your mind," Clint said, moving on the bed.

"There is a conversation I was meant to have with you months ago," Phil admitted, unsure if it was the exhaustion or something else prompting him to bring this up now.

Clint laughed. "Then either it's too late to have the conversation with me or you should just say whatever it is you think you should say."

"I don't remember the event but on a mission I kissed you and we need to discuss it."

Clint smiled sadly and then looked at Phil. "You didn't kiss me."

"I saw the footage."

"But you didn't see the start, I kissed you."

**///**


End file.
